The More You Suffer
by JenniferRain
Summary: The more you suffer, the more it shows you really care. Jeff Cahill is sick and tired of how his life is going. He's ready for something real, something that doesn't make him want to run. US-Teachers. for adult themes. Prequel to Teach Me Something.


A/N: This is a oneshot prequel to my upcoming story i'm working on called Teach Me Something. 

It's based on the song Self Esteem by the Offspring, (the lyrics in the middle are from the song. If you want to get the whole feeling, take a listen, but it's not necessary). 

Rated M for... well, you'll see. It's nothing explicit, just strongly suggested.

Based off the US show Teachers, with the characters Jeff Cahill, Tina Torres, and Alice Fletcher. 

Summary: Jeff is sick and tired of showing how much he cares by putting up with being used. 

* * *

He had been with Tina for six months, but he still didn't feel right about it.

The whole relationship was… physical. He cared about her, but not more than a friend, and he was sure she was only attracted to him, not _in love_ with him. 

He sighed and turned out the lights of the living room. It was past twoAM and they had school in the morning. Tina was supposed to drop by, but he figured she just decided not to...to catch up on some sleep instead. He felt like she'd blown him off on purpose, and mentally screamed at himself to tell her off for it, but he convinced himself she just fell asleep grading tests or something. Besides, if she _did_ blow him off, (he shivered at the pleasant thought of the innuendo) the more you suffer... the more it shows you really care, right? '_Yeah,'_ he thought, answering his own question with fake confidence.

He put the remainders of the meal he'd heated up for them in the fridge and ran a hand through his hair, going to pass out for four hours before he'd have to get up and deal with his students.

He loved teaching. When he had told Alice that, he hadn't been trying to get her to fall for him. Okay, he had, but he was honest while doing so. He really cared about the kids, and he loved teaching them, he loved learning from them, and he loved what he taught. He mused idly about the lesson plan for the day as he drifted off to sleep.

He had only been semi-conscious when he heard a pounding on the front door. It was nearly three in the morning, and he stumbled tiredly out of bed and to the front door. When he opened it, he found Tina looking at him with a flirty, feral grin. He could smell the vodka and beer combo, and cringed. This happened way too often for his taste. He loved booze as much as the next alcoholic his age, but he didn't love when the only reason she wanted him was because she was piss drunk.

She'd been distant while sober, lately. He figured she was missing an ex, as she had before. She'd cheated, and she'd lied, but he always took her back, fixing her dinner, buying her wine, making dessert. He wasn't rich, and he wasn't claiming to be a great boyfriend, but he tried to spoil her. He knew that she could afford it now that her school bills were paid off and she had more than enough money working for Headlights and the school, but he liked to do things for her.

_Now I know I'm being used  
That's okay man cause I like the abuse  
I know she's playing with me  
That's okay cause I got no self esteem_

"Hey, Jeff," she said smirking, her arm left arm already around his neck and her right hand pulling him down by his tie that he'd forgot to take off after the meeting he'd went to hours ago. She didn't let go of his tie when she kissed him and moaned into his mouth. He knew she was drunk. So drunk. _Really_ drunk. Really, _really_ drunk. But he couldn't help himself. She was so… _convincing._

She was at his neck now, already tossing his tie behind him and working the buttons of his shirt. Wow, was she ready to go or what… he hastily kicked the door shut behind her as she moved him backwards towards the couch on the other side of the room. She had already managed to take his dress shirt off, 

and was about to pull his undershirt over his head when he put out a hand to stop her. "Where were you, Tina?" he asked gently, his eyes not accusing but concerned. She pulled away, for a moment confused and then her eyes hardened. "Jeff, what's wrong with you?" she asked, frustrated.

He inhaled sharply, feeling her breath on his neck as she leaned down, and he closed his eyes, repeating the silent mantra '_cold shower, cold shower, cold shower…' _He couldn't give in tonight. This was getting ridiculous. "I think I just heard the fire alarm go off. Banana factory's burning to the ground," came his sarcastic response, remembering the first time he'd resisted her and why. 

He wasn't doing this for Alice, anymore. He'd given up hope for her. He was just sick of this… _thing_ between him and Tina. He didn't love her. She didn't love him. It wasn't exclusive… well to _him_ it was, but she didn't seem to think it was… and it was all about the sex. The sex _was_ incredible, but his conscience and his self esteem couldn't take anymore of this toxic… _intoxicating_ predicament.

"Jeff," she warned, her eye narrowed to a glare. "We're together. That means we can do _whatever we want_, whenever we want," she grinned wickedly, and kissed him roughly, biting his lip in the process. She wanted it rough and dirty tonight, and he knew it. She got like this sometimes, power hungry and in control. Other times, she wanted him to be dominant… '_She'd be a great switch,' _he mused, but that wasn't helping his self-restraint. 

Her hands were at her shirt, now, starting to peel it off, but he stopped her, pulling her hands away from her shirt. "Tina, stop." 

She groaned, now, shoving him backwards, and the surprise and force of it, combined with the fact he was still tired and most the blood was rushing _away _from his brain at the moment, he fell backwards and landed on the couch. "Don't talk, Cahill. I want this, and I know you do too," she murmured, peeling off her shirt and his undershirt. He closed his eyes, feeling as if seeing her bra for the millionth time was an invasion of her privacy. 

"For God's sake, Cahill, you saw more than my _this_ the first night we met," she snapped, seeing him avert his gaze. He swallowed, his mind trying to win over the half of him that was begging to touch her. 

"That was different. Look, I'm sorry. I just… this isn't working for me," he choked out, and she stopped her attentions to his neck, leaning back so she could see him properly. He could tell she wanted sex. As if that wasn't obvious from the moment he opened the door. But denying Tina _anything_ she wanted was practically impossible, and incredibly stupid. She always got what she wanted. 

He couldn't believe how brave and how _fucking stupid_ he was. He'd now denied probably the sexiest, horniest woman he'd ever met _twice_ since he'd met her, and here he was about to break it off when his only other "option" wasn't even an option.

"What do you mean, '_this isn't working'_?" she demanded, her voice nearly a growl.

"I mean, I don't want just sex out of a relationship right now, and you do. I don't love you. I only have feelings for you as a friend. I'm sorry," he groaned, as she pushed herself off of him and grabbed her 

shirt, pulling it on, backwards and inside out. "Your shirt-" he protested as she stomped angrily towards the door. "is fine," she finished, glaring. "I'll find some other guy to tear it off for me," she snapped and she noticed the fact that he wasn't completely immune to her _charms._ "Get a cold shower, dumbfuck." She told him, pointing to his crotch. "I _knew_ you were gay," she added and he cringed, as she called, "Later girlfriend," over her shoulder, slamming the door behind her.

She was pissed. And so very drunk.

He sighed. The day was going to suck. He'd be going on very little sleep, and he'd have to avoid Tina at all costs...

"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned," he reminded himself, before grabbing a towel to take care of his problem…

* * *

Alright, here are the lyrics to "Self Esteem" if you want them. Seriously, check out the Offspring. They're awesome. And, if you like the show, or this story, or me (hehe), look for my upcoming story _Teach Me Something_. It'll be an interesting project, and a very interesting read... thanks. )

**"Self Esteem"**by the Offspring.

_I wrote her off for the tenth time today  
And practice all the things I would say  
But she came over  
I lost my nerve  
I took her back and made her dessert _

_Now I know I'm being used  
That's okay man cause I like the abuse  
I know she's playing with me  
That's okay cause I got no self esteem_

_We make plans to go out at night  
I wait till 2 then I turn out the light  
All this rejection's got me so low  
If she keeps it up I just might tell her no_

_Chorus  
When she's saying that she wants only me  
Then I wonder why she sleeps with my friends  
When she's saying that I'm like a disease  
Then I wonder how much more I can spend  
Well I guess I should speak up for myself  
But I really think it's better this way  
The more you suffer  
The more it shows you really care  
Right? yeah yeah yeah_

_Now I'll relate this little bit  
That happens more than I'd like to admit  
Late at night she knocks on my door  
Drunk again and looking to score_

_Now I know I should say no  
But that's kind of hard when she's ready to go  
I may be dumb  
But I'm not a dweeb  
I'm just a sucker with no self esteem_

_Chorus_


End file.
